i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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