You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
