We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
