my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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