I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
