i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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