Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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