All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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