i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
