im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
