i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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