The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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