Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm passing your future prison.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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