I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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