i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
