It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
