He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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