she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
