I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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