im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
