your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
