Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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