Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
