never play flip cup with pint glasses
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
