Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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