Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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