Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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