There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
