capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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