he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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