its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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