This is not my ceiling
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
