guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
