Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
