What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
