I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
