I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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