remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
