dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
