She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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