i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
