i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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