This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
