I could make wine with my vomit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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