You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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