THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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