I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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