her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
