Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
