she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
