I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
