is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
