I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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