I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
